Why astronauts need to be on steroids

read by dan juris:

The problem is gravity. Interstellar space is not a safe place to have osteoporosis because of the lack of gravity. The bones of the weak the brittle, those untrained in the laws of gravity defiance, will not be able to survive the inevitable doom that awaits our planet. As time will no doubt carry on, we’ll either be burned up by the sun or a manmade self-destruction of our planet.

The newest space-action film Interstellar suggests the latter. Interstellar stars Matthew McConaughey and Anne Hathaway, who are carrying all of the current best and future genetic material of our species. I hope our descendants can realize the pleasures of the beach. Continue reading “Why astronauts need to be on steroids”

How global education rankings are pulling a fast one

Read Daniel Juris:

 

What do Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, and the Wright brothers have in common? Well, if you consider yourself a citizen of the United States of America then you should be proud to call these men your fellow Americans. Since you’re an American, chances are that you are drooling on to your lap unable to read the symbols that make this paragraph. According to international testing, the American public education system provides less education than an eagle’s fart. The U.S. scored 36th in recent international testing. 36th?! I can’t even name 36 countries. I guess that should not be surprising since I was educated in Florida (the United States of the United States).

How did this happen? How can a country that has led the world in harnessing electricity, air travel, and telecommunications have fallen into such depths of mediocrity? We must do something before our kids end up being shoe shiners for their brilliant Asian overlords! We must do something drastic and quick with very little forethought!!!

Continue reading “How global education rankings are pulling a fast one”

John Wick: He Killed Everybody

He killed everybody. An action film genre that is often overlooked but easily defined. He killed everybody can be defined as an action film where we sympathize with the perceived wrong done to the protagonist. The protagonist then proceeds to bathe in the blood of the corpses of anyone who was even remotely associated with the antagonist. Unfortunately, my definition of the genre should not be held as the industry standard despite my lengthy formal education as a master of business administration.

Instant credibility
Instant credibility

A little background regarding the circumstances of why I saw this film: The Matrix trilogy was arguably the best trilogy that I’ve ever seen and because I watched it during the formative years of my late teens, I am a big fan of Keanu Reeves. Furthermore, I was also a fan of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure when I was but a young child. So in short, I was pretty fucking lame as a kid. Continue reading “John Wick: He Killed Everybody”

Welcome to Camelot

Many of you may be wondering why you are here. It’s almost as if you woke up from a bad dream and cannot recognize the environment that you are in. And that’s okay. What? Where? When? Why? How? The only relevant question is “Who?”

I am Lou Brolic!

Mike is DANIEL JURIS!!!

And WE INVENTED SARCASM!!!!!!!!!!

Continue reading “Welcome to Camelot”