Bird Box: A Critical Review by Lou Brolic

Keith Jardine finally made it. After years of getting punched and kicked in the head and body, he is officially a Hollywood veteran. I haven’t even realized how awesome this guy is because he was in two of the greatest works of entertainment history, Breaking Bad and John Wick. And we all know, that John Wick was one of Keanu Reeve’s greatest performances ever. That guy is amazing.

Anyhow, Bird Box is a piece of shit. I’m glad I watched it and found out what the hype was all about, and it was about a bunch of dumb shit. Some supernatural wind rustles leaves and loose debris and causes people who look at a loud, windy cyclone for good reason to lose their shit and kill themselves. If I had known this going in I would have told my wife, the Queen of Sheba, to put on the news instead. So I’m here to save you the pain and agony of Bird Box, color me unimpressed!

Before the year ends however, we must discuss the beatdown that Jon Jones put on Alexander Gustafsson and the extremely shady circumstances that surrounds the entire event being moved from the T-Mobile Center in Las Vegas, NV and winding up at The Forum in LA.

In short, Jon Jones has been pissing hot consistently and the brass at the UFC and USADA’s experts say that he’s not cheating and that the test results are an anomaly. They are chalking up multiple urine samples provided by Jon Jones showing a presence of the metabolite of oral turinabol. They are showing evidence that Jon Jones still has a known banned substance in his system.

The NSAC was presented this anomaly by the UFC and they refused to sanction the fight without investigating the situation further. The CSAC said that this was okay and they trust the judgment of the UFC and USADA saying that this is just a pure anomaly. That has occurred in multiple urine samples dating back to his no contest after fighting Daniel Cormier. The CSAC said that they agree with the UFC and USADA’s findings because there is no way Jon Jones gained any performance advantage by having the evidence of oral turinabol in his urine and that it was a result of his completely unaccountable ingestion of that very same anabolic agent.

Jon Jones used an analogy of the extremely minute levels of turinabol found in his system. Jon makes it seem as if a picogram is immeasurably tiny. The analogy he used to describe how infinitesimally small the amount of turinabol found in his system was that it’s like a pinch of salt in an Olympic size swimming pool. I’d like to say, that is not quite accurate. The spirit of that analogy may be true, but that is not the facts. The facts are that on multiple occasions, evidence of turinabol was present in his urine and measurable in the picogram level. Again, measurable. If you keep flushing the Olympic size swimming pool, you may eventually have enough picograms to measure a gram. USADA can make doping chaotic for athletes but the doper always knows that they cannot collect all of their urine. Jeff Novitzky even advocated on the Joe Rogan Experience that the UFC needs more testing. It’s unnecessary though, because Lou Brolic is removing the blind fold from their audience and showing them the way, the truth, and the light!

It’s time that we stop letting ourselves believe that professional athletes should not take every advantage possible to benefit their athletic performance. No matter what the rules may be, pro athletes live on the edge and the difference between Jon Jones being a picosecond faster to avoid Gustafsson’s punches is all the difference needed between him raising his hand in victory or lying on the mat in defeat. I can’t blame Jon for doping, but let’s not believe that this was accidental. Jeff Novitzky said it himself on JRE, USADA doesn’t allow any supplements. But Jon Jones blames his consistent anomalies on tainted over the counter supplements that are advertised to give you every performance advantage possible. He wanted every advantage possible, as he rightfully should have if he’s paying for it, and he received it.

To our dozens of fans around the world, Macho Head Games: North Korea vs USA is coming! This is Lou Brolic signing off, have a happy new year!

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